It's official, my husband and I are on two different hemispheres. People keep asking me how I am doing and what I am feeling, but I only have one word to describe it: Numb. I don't know what to feel or think, my husband is on the other side of the world getting ready to fight in a war that I have only heard/read about. It is all very surreal.
I just got back from a three week long vacation back home where I spent a lot of time with a lot of different people that I care about. We had family outings and parties, relaxing game nights on the porch, plenty of talks on the deck while watching the alpaca roam next door; I had a wonderfully relaxing time with the people that I love. Now here I am, back to an empty house with very few people that even realize I exist, let alone love me like family. Savannah and I do well with it most days, but then I have random moments when I am driving down the road, out shopping, or just getting the mail when I remember just exactly the situation I am in. I try not to do it, but who can ignore it forever? Just before I dropped Wesley back off to his training camp he said what I had been thinking for a few weeks: "I feel like I am driving myself to my own farewell." In my gut I feel like my husband is gone forever, and every time I think about it i can't help but break down. What would my life be like without my best friend and partner? How would Savannah grow up without her loving and kind father to help guide her? But then I remember I have to trust God to guide us on the path we are meant to be traveling. If Wesley is meant to come home he will. I just have to pray to God for the strength to deal with the unknown, which those that know me well know that is THE hardest thing for me to do. So that is what I will do, I will pray for Wesley daily, if not hourly, and trust that God knows what he is doing in our lives.
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